Not sure about therapy?  Read this to ease your mind.

Deciding to come for therapy is a big step, and in my years as a psychotherapist, I have heard many worries from clients about coming for sessions.  Here are a few common worries people share before coming for counselling. 

Is My Anxiety Too Mild or Too Severe for Counseling?

This is a common one!  People worry that they are either wasting my time or are too anxious to be helped.  The truth is that therapy can benefit anyone experiencing anxiety, regardless of its intensity. Whether your anxiety is mild or severe, therapy offers a safe space to explore your emotions, understand your triggers, and develop effective coping strategies. If your anxiety is severe, you may also be receiving support from your GP, such as medication, which can complement your sessions – there is no reason to “choose” medication or therapy – you can have both at the same time if you want to.

What I feel too scared to share how I feel?

Many people feel vulnerable when sharing thoughts and feelings in therapy, especially if these are things they’ve never disclosed before. You might worry that these thoughts could make you seem like a “bad” person.  Or you might worry that you will end up being diagnosed with a serious mental illness and forced into treatment! My role is to offer support and understanding, not judgment or criticism and if you have ever felt that way with another therapist know that therapist was at fault, not you.

Another common fear is being reported to the police, for example if you share details of a past crime.  Everything you tell me is confidential unless I am concerned that you are at risk of seriously harming yourself or another person or if a very serious crime has been committed.  

How Will I Know If the Therapist Is Right for Me?

It’s essential that you are with a therapist that you feel comfortable with.  Sometimes people go to therapy and just don’t “click” with their therapist – that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with them or the therapist – just that the therapist wasn’t the right match for them. To find the right therapist, you can start by researching therapists in your area, reading their profiles, and even scheduling a brief consultation to see if you feel comfortable with them.  

It’s also OK to prefer a particular type of therapist – for example, a therapist from the same culture or religion as you or a specific gender or age.  You might also want to see a therapist with additional training or experience in your particular issue.

If you are thinking about therapy with me, I am always happy to have a quick 20-minute phone chat before you book so you can check if I feel like the right fit for you. If it doesn’t feel right, then that’s OK!

What If I Don’t Know What to Say?

It’s quite common for people to come to therapy feeling unsure of what they want to talk about.  They just feel “meh” or on edge but can’t explain why.  You don’t need to have a plan for what you want to say. I have never had a session where we have both sat in silence; something always comes up to talk about! If you’re worried about this, you can jot down a few notes on a notepad or your phone before the session to ensure you cover everything you want to discuss.

Other people struggle to decide what to focus on so a lot comes out all at once.  Then it’s my job to help you focus and put all the thoughts into some form of order!  

If it will help you you are always welcome to make a few notes on a notepad or your phone so you can be sure you talk about everything you planned to.

I’m Afraid Therapy Will Be Too Intense or Overwhelming

It’s normal to worry about this – we spend a lot of time distracting ourselves from intense emotions, and coming for counselling means you start to face them.  The sessions will always go at your pace, and you are supported so you feel safe.  When we are working with intense feelings in therapy, it’s always my goal to ensure you have support – we can look at support or soothing activities you can do between therapy sessions.  I also plan my holidays and time off and give you notice of when these will be so you don’t suddenly find yourself dealing with intense overwhelm on your own.  Likewise, this is the reason I ask you to commit to attending sessions regularly (doesn’t need to be every week but just planned in advance) so I can plan to ensure you aren’t left without support for long periods of time in between sessions.  If you have a session booked and you are feeling overwhelmed or upset, it’s often helpful to know you have an upcoming appointment where you can talk it through.

What if I get too emotional?

It’s completely normal to get emotional in therapy. It’s often a sign that you’re processing important feelings that need to be addressed. I want to assure you that I am completely comfortable with tears or anger in sessions – processing emotion is a fundamental part of therapy.  Please never feel embarrassed about getting upset in front of me. Your emotional responses are always understood and accepted here. 

How Long Will Therapy Take?

Each session is 50 minutes, and the number of sessions varies depending on your needs and goals. If you’re coming for anxiety, we’ll typically focus on reducing its intensity and improving your coping skills in the early sessions. You should start to feel some relief after a few sessions.  You don’t have to agree to a minimum number of sessions – you can come for as long as you find it helpful.   Some clients attend therapy in “chunks”, where they come for a few weeks, then take some time off and come back again, while others start weekly and then move to fortnightly or monthly as they feel better.  There is no right or wrong, and I will work flexibly to fit your preferences.

What Will People Think If They Find Out I’m in Therapy?

Sadly, it’s true there is still stigma around mental health in our culture.  I believe that seeking therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness. Many people, including public figures and celebrities, openly discuss their therapy experiences, helping to normalize the conversation around mental health.

If the thought of people finding out you’re in therapy worries you, please know that you can self-refer to me without your doctor or anyone else needing to know.  Your sessions with me are completely confidential. The buildings I work in for my face-to-face sessions have multiple people working in, so if you were seen going in, nobody would know you were going for counselling. Your privacy and security are of utmost importance, so please don’t let a fear of people finding out stop you from seeking therapy if you want to come.

Can I Really Change?

Yes, you can change! One of the most common fears is the belief that personal change is impossible. However, I have helped many people make positive, lasting changes. With the right support and effort, you can learn to manage your anxiety and live a more fulfilling life. Therapy is a journey of hope and optimism, and I’m here to support you every step of the way.

I look at anxiety as being a learned behaviour – most people with anxiety needed to be extra vigilant at some point in their lives because things were (or seemed) dangerous for them at the time.  Just as you learned to be anxious you can learn to manage your relationship with anxiety better so it doesn’t control you anymore.  That doesn’t mean you will never feel anxious again (of course, if you are in danger or a stressful situation, it will reappear) but you will learn anxiety doesn’t need to hijack you.

What If Therapy Makes Me Feel Worse Before I Feel Better?

Indeed, therapy can sometimes stir up difficult emotions. This is often part of the healing process, where you address underlying issues causing distress.  I often describe this as an alarm – if your house alarm goes off and you deal with it by distracting yourself from it, it will always be there in the background.  The only way to stop it is to look at the problem – once you do that, you can silence the alarm.  In therapy, we stop distracting ourselves from the alarm and look at what’s causing it to go off.

While it can be challenging, I will help support you through it in a safe way.

What If I Can’t Afford Therapy?

I understand that many people are having financial difficulties at the moment.  To help you, I can offer less frequent sessions to reduce cost, or I have a limited number of concessionary spaces available in my Birkenhead location or for online sessions. If all spaces are taken at a given time, then I can offer to put you on a waitlist for when a reduced cost space is available.

You can get a limited number of therapy sessions on the NHS, although you will have to wait. You can also look at some charities, as some of them offer free or subsidised counselling.  

Will Therapy Change My Personality?

Therapy isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about helping you become more in tune with your true self. For example, anxiety is often caused by changing yourself to fit in – therapy helps you to see where this has been showing up in your life and helps you build the confidence and self-esteem to be your real self.  Rather than altering your personality, therapy aims to reduce the impact of other’s expectations on you, allowing your authentic self to shine through.

What Should I Expect in the First Session?

The first therapy session often focuses on getting to know you, discussing your concerns, and setting goals. If you’d like more information on this, including how you might prepare for your first session, click here

What If My Anxiety Is Embarrassing or Weird?

Anxiety can manifest in many different ways, some of which may feel embarrassing or unusual. For example 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) often involves unusual thoughts or rituals which don’t make logical sense to others (and perhaps even yourself).  

Intrusive thoughts are common and distressing and involve thoughts about hurting yourself or another person.  People feel ashamed and worry the thoughts mean they are dangerous even though they have no intention of carrying out the thought.  Many people find it hard to talk about intrusive thoughts for fear of being judged or reported to social services or law enforcement.  Talking about intrusive thoughts with somebody with the knowledge and experience to help you understand what’s going on helps a lot to reduce the frequency and intensity of the thoughts.