Why Values Matter More Than Resolutions This New Year: An ACT Therapy Approach

New Year, New You!  I have seen this plastered all over social media, and while there’s nothing wrong with making changes to improve your life or your health, I hate the idea that it fosters.  That somehow, if I manage to lose a stone, run a 10k or save £5k, that makes me a success.  The issue with this is that if I achieve my goal, I move the goalpost, and then I want to lose more weight, or I don’t achieve it and feel like a failure.  

Also, there’s so much pressure to be and act a certain way, and this can push us away from what we truly want or what is truly important to us and into being or doing something that isn’t meaningful to us.

There’s a better way to approach the New Year: focusing on your values. Grounded in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), values-based living offers a flexible, compassionate alternative to traditional resolutions. Instead of striving for perfection, this approach encourages living authentically and meaningfully, reducing anxiety and creating space for growth.

How Perfectionism and Anxiety Can Sabotage Your Goals

Traditional New Year’s resolutions often stem from external expectations or societal pressure. Goals like “I must lose weight,” “I need to get promoted,” or “I’ll save a certain amount of money” can feel more like obligations than personal aspirations.  Aiming for promotion is a great goal, but it isn’t great if your worth as a person depends on whether or not you get the job you want.

When resolutions are tied to achieving perfect outcomes, the slightest deviation can feel like a complete failure. This all-or-nothing thinking—common in perfectionism—intensifies anxiety, creating a cycle of self-doubt and inaction. Instead of feeling motivated, you may feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unsure how to move forward.

ACT Therapy: A Compassionate Approach to New Year’s Resolutions

ACT therapy offers a fresh perspective by focusing on values: the principles that guide how you want to live your life. Unlike goals, which are specific and measurable, values are ongoing and flexible. They’re not about achieving perfection but about aligning your actions with what truly matters to you.

For example:

• Value: Creativity.

• Traditional Goal: “I must paint 50 artworks this year.”

• Values-Based Approach: “I’ll make time for creative expression, whether it’s painting, writing, or trying a new craft.”

Values offer freedom from the rigid expectations that perfectionism imposes. They provide a compass to navigate life, even when circumstances change, or goals need to be adjusted.

How to Discover the Values That Matter Most to You

• Reflect on What Brings Meaning: Consider questions like, “What qualities do I want to embody in my relationships, work, and personal growth?” or “What makes me feel proud of myself?”

• Identify What Energizes You: Think about activities or moments where you feel alive and connected to something bigger than yourself.

• Revisit Past Decisions: Consider your choices and what values may have influenced them.

Here’s a list of some common values. See if any of these resonate with you. Feel free to add your own and develop a list of 5 that fit you well.

• Love

• Mindfulness

• Patience

• Perseverance

• Respect

• Responsibility

• Self-Care

• Service

• Spirituality

• Trust

Why Self-Compassion is Key to Beating Perfectionism

Perfectionism leaves no room for mistakes, fueling anxiety and self-doubt. The issue is that everyone makes mistakes, so perfectionism sets you up for feeling like a failure.

Self-compassion, a cornerstone of ACT therapy, helps you approach challenges with kindness and understanding rather than judgment.

When you stumble or feel overwhelmed, practice self-compassion:

• Acknowledge your feelings without judgment (“I’m feeling anxious, and that’s okay.”).

• Remind yourself that everyone faces setbacks (“I’m not alone in this; it’s part of being human.”).

• Reconnect with your values to guide your next step.

Many people worry that practising self-compassion means “letting themselves off the hook” with mistakes and that they will become lackadaisical or lazy. However, self-compassion is not about avoiding responsibility or making excuses; it’s about creating a supportive environment for growth. By acknowledging mistakes with kindness and understanding, you’re more likely to learn from them and move forward with resilience. This approach reduces the anxiety of perfectionism and encourages a balanced perspective, where effort and rest coexist, fostering both productivity and well-being.

How to Set Goals That Align with Your Values

ACT therapy emphasizes that goals are most effective when they’re rooted in your values. Instead of setting rigid, perfection-driven resolutions, try crafting flexible goals that align with what matters most to you.

For example:

• Value: Connection.

• Perfectionistic Goal: “I must attend every social event this year.”

• Values-Based Goal: “I’ll reach out to friends regularly, even if it’s just a quick message or phone call.”

When goals are tied to values, they become adaptable. If circumstances change, you can adjust your actions while staying true to your guiding principles. This approach reduces the anxiety and self-criticism that often accompany rigid resolutions.

The Power of Values-Based Living for Anxiety and Burnout

When you align your actions with your values, you’re living authentically—true to yourself rather than chasing societal expectations or unrealistic ideals. This alignment fosters a sense of fulfilment and resilience, even when life doesn’t go as planned.

Values provide stability in uncertain times. They remind you of what’s important, helping you navigate challenges with clarity and purpose. By focusing on values, you’re not just setting goals but creating a meaningful and genuine life.

Leave Resolutions Behind: Embrace a Values-Based New Year

This year, consider leaving behind the pressure of rigid resolutions. Instead, reflect on your values and set small, flexible goals that align with them. Practice self-compassion when things don’t go perfectly, and remember that progress is more important than perfection.

If you’re ready to explore values-based living and learn tools to reduce anxiety, book a Mental Health MOT session. Face-to-face sessions are available in Birkenhead and Chester, or you can choose an online appointment for added flexibility. Together, we can clarify your values, set meaningful goals, and create a personalized plan to help you thrive.